When the old times change.

We are heading into the rainy season and a time of transition and change as we head into fall 2021. With the shortening of the days and the colder temperatures I’ve been reflecting on how losing my sister and living with grief has changed my family.

One change I noticed greatly with the passing of time is when I want to call my sister, just to share a story or Vent, I will suddenly remember that I can’t. It becomes a reminder of the distance between us. So, I make up for this by still continuing to have a conversation with her in my own way, almost in a prayer-like form, I can communicate with her or my memories of her. But this is a major change because I used to talk to her so often through Snapchat or text or Facebook or audio call, and it has definitely changed from when she was alive, and I noticed her absence often from that. The availability of keeping her in my life has diminished, and I miss the days of back and forth communicating.

Another transition that I have gone through just like the earth is going through now, my relationship with life and death has greatly developed. I now contemplate my life story and my narrative more often because I witnessed it being ended so quickly for someone close to me. It just showed me the uncertainty of fate, and how important it is to live each day according to your wishes. I think often about traveling and how I can find jobs that are remote and allow me to embark to new places. I’d now try new drinks and foods as often as I can, and I enjoy the time I can get with my friends and family, a little bit more than I used to because I hold onto their presence more now. I am finding my inspiration to lead a good life inspired by Anlya’s early death because she didn’t get to live out the years that she thought were before her and what she had taken away from her , I want to fully experience.

A positive change that came from her death was really taking my own mental health quite seriously. I had gone through episodes of anxiety and depression before she died and my mental health got particularly dark in the winter of 2016 and I also almost died from a trauma and stress induced suicidal episode and after Anlya died I begin to look seriously into what was supposed to be normal for a human to experience in their day to day and in the years of their lifespan .Being a psychology student I had access to research through my school and learned a lot of spiritual healing practices to help address the pain of both losing Anlya and the underlying emotional scars from stressors in life. I now journal regularly, do yoga to help stay balanced, seek out my support team when I'm struggling and keep up with daily tasks in my household such as laundry and dishes so I don't get overwhelmed by my environment . I take dental, skin and health care very seriously now and I recognize that my actions contribute to a healthier future.

Another beneficial transition I have noticed is that when I meet people who are affected by loss, I am much more able to empathize with them and not get caught up in what I'm supposed to say or what I'm supposed to do to make them feel better, I recognize that there's nothing that can be done to rectify the situation, so I usually just offer my heart because I know how much pain is involved in losing a special person, period.

Much love and many thanks!

Abigail