October Obstacles

October has always been a busy month for me. My older sisters‘ and I‘s birthday are in October, 9 days apart, so that has always been a busy time for my family and I. Though it got even more stressful the older I got. I used to think sharing my birthday parties with my sister was bad.

Then, when I had barely turned 15, I was sexually assaulted. It has been 12 years since then, and it has been incredible hard until this year. I wasn’t so overwhelmed by the traumas I’ve endured since then. I even met my ex husband on that same day, just 3 years (the exact same day!) after the assault. I would try and celebrate our anniversary of our meeting (we decided not to celebrate the day we got married so much, but rather when we met). It was a struggle to balance those conflicting emotions.

When I was 16

While we had a solid relationship for quite a few years, I was always so angry about how much that event changed my life. I believe that it led the way towards more trauma during some vulnerable years of my life. I ended up telling my father about the assault, who pretty much ignored me afterwards, pretending like I never told him. So I found comfort in a classmate who ended up abusing me over the next two years.

My ex-husband was a breath of fresh air. He respected me and took me all over, even to Italy, where he grew up. We had such a blast traveling together. I was incredibly fortunate and probably a bit spoiled, if I’m really honest.

Then, last year, he asked for a divorce on my birthday. There is still some anger there, considering his birthday is 3 days before mine, and we went axe throwing to celebrate his birthday. Not only that, but he came to my party to celebrate with me, after asking for a divorce. I wasn’t sure how to handle it, so I didn’t protest. I wish I had.

Taogoi is all about learning to heal from difficulty in life, so I’ve been trying to get better perspective on who I am, what I want in life, and whose company I want to keep. I’ve not been the best about keeping up with Taogoi, but last night the new books (that have the errors fixed) came in!!! That has helped ignite my passion for this website all over again, I feel like a huge weight has lifted off my shoulders.

Age 26 with 1100 miles

When life is falling apart, there comes a time where things start to fall into place, no matter how unexpected. I did not plan to write a poetry book using the poetry I wrote on the Pacific Crest Trail, but I did with the help of an amazing artist and illustrator, Abby Folsom.

Things will turn out in ways you didn’t expect, and that’s okay. Learn to relax, just like I am.

We got this. ☺️