New beginnings

I’m writing this week’s blog post from my hotel bed in Kauai, HI. I just wanted to share a little bit about how life changes through grief and bereavement. This was a difficult trip to embark on, it’s one of the “biggest“ family trips we’ve taken since Anlya died by suicide and it feels very off not to have her presence on the trip with us. I’m picking up on all the subtle differences between having her with us, and having her being gone and how that changes the plans and conversations and feelings.

On the plane ride over to our destination, I watched the Disney movie, Soul, and couldn’t help myself from crying as the closing scenes played out and the importance of relationships and friendships became clear. I’m learning over time that my sister was one of the most important relationships to me, and not having her around drastically changes the landscape through which I travel. For example, I would have sat beside her on the plane, had a hotel room to share with her, and would have gone exploring with her once we had arrived at our destination. She could have been sitting next to me on the plane, looking through tattoo shops and planning our matching tattoos. We would have gone swimming together and gotten shaved ice while talking about our lives together.

But, she is no longer here and I sat next to my Dad on the plane, am in a hotel room with my brother and his wife and daughter, and am going exploring around the island with my close family. The relationship I had with my sister is and always will be irreplaceable, but I am learning that I can open my heart up to new beginnings and new relationships. I’m tempted to get a tattoo while on the island that symbolizes this concept; that nothing on the “path” of life is set, that new possibilities in the quantum expression of reality is always waiting to be discovered, and we can always be ready for this unexpected side of the universe. New beginnings are always around the corner, waiting for us to step into the mystery. I am so excited to share my adventure in Hawaii with you all, my new family and my new beginning.

Here’s a view from my hotel room!! Let‘s get out there and adventure!

love from Abby